Now fair warning this is going to be a long post. I don't often post things about my life, I like to stick to bookish things but this is something I wrote and wanted to share. I've also started thinking about my blog and I put a lot of work in to it behind the scenes but I feel like a lot of my followers don't really know me so here is the first step in getting to know Emily.
|My sister Bethany and Me (I'm on the right)|
|This is USD Law School on a good day (there are few good days)|
The problem I’m realizing now is that I went to law school for absolutely no reason. I’m not passionate about being a lawyer or what lawyers represent. To be completely honest I went to please my parents. And they are pleased with me. They have never been happier or treated me better then they have since I began
. My Mom brags
about me every chance she gets, and my Dad talks about me at work. It wasn’t
like they were never happy with me before but I can finally tell that I have
done something to make them truly proud of me. Law
So that brings me to my crisis. I HATE Law School and not in that abstract way that makes you dislike things that are challenging but in the cringe when I wake up in the morning, don’t care what classes I’m going to pick next term because I will not like them anyway kind of way. I’m completely apathetic toward
I just don’t care about it and the reason I don’t care is because it
was never what I wanted to do in the first place. Had my student loans not been
forcing me to make a decision taking a couple years off from school would have been good for me! I would have loved to graduate college, evaluate my
life, and actually see if Grad school was for me or not. At 21, when I was sending out applications, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my
ENTIRE life! And now I’m stuck. I’m going to have to finish law school, become
a lawyer, and live out the rest of my days doing something I don't like to pay for graduate school I didn’t really want to go to. Law School
This is the part where Maggie Stiefvater comes in, in case you were wondering if I was ever going to get to the point or if I just titled this post something interesting instead of ‘crappy law school rant’. I read Maggie’s blog all the time, I still contend that the woman could write a post about paint drying and I would love it and rave about the character development of the paint as it went from wet to dry, seriously. For those of you who don’t read Maggie's blog she rally races (more on that here)! This is something I have always wanted to do! One of my first passions was cars. In High School I obsessively followed the WRC (World Rally Championship) and my parents even bought me the car of my dreams a Mitsubishi Lancer OZ Ralley, which further fed my obsession. In an earlier post as part of the Dear Teen Me Blog Tour I shared a letter my 16 year old self wrote to me at 21 and as you can see I’m not making this stuff up. It basically said love your family, love your car, better make sure to have a Ferrari! I obviously had my priorities straight.
So after reading Maggie’s post a little seed was planted in my head. Maggie is a fiction writer right? So what is she doing racing cars?! I started realizing that maybe I could be a lawyer but that didn’t have to be my entire life. I could be a lawyer and a:
- Rally racer
- Publishing intern (or at least I could get a job in the legal department maybe?)
- Book Blogger
- Graffiti Artist (I could take over for Banksy if he wants to retire)
- Bakery Owner
- Clothing Designer (Just BE clothing line of course, we would also do perfume)
- Prison Warden
- Regular Artist (In case Banksy doesn’t want to retire)
- World Traveler
- A DJ (Everyone’s a DJ!)
Okay, some of those jobs are a little less realistic then others but at one point in my life they are all careers I have considered. I’m actually totally serious about opening that bakery the only thing stopping me is the early mornings (and the bank doesn’t want to loan me more money =P).
In essence Maggie got me thinking (and listening to music you probably won’t like) that my profession doesn’t have to be my life. It only has to be a piece of the person I am. I can do other things! After feeling trapped in a life I made for myself but didn’t want it felt so liberating to know that I can be a lawyer and do something else; that this decision to go to school had not changed my life so completely that I would never be able to do anything I liked ever again. At 24 I’m still young enough to have a life, make dumb decisions, and I’m not stuck!
So I want to thank Maggie, without ever knowing she was doing anything she helped me realize I can still have a life. That I can be 2 or 3 or 10 different professions if I want! This year I’m happily going to finish
and become a lawyer because while it may be my profession it isn’t who I am. I am
still Emily, but now I’m Emily the Lawyer/Armature Astronomer/Rally Racer/Bakery
Owner/World Traveler/Graffiti Artist! Law School